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Saturday, November 19, 2011 | 8:25 PM | 0 comments (+)
before I said that I needed a break. But once I have it like today, right now, it felt so wrong. I need to be busy, at all time. I need to sleep with projects, assignments, and deadlines on my mind. Unless, I will end up like this.
It is not feeling sad without cause anymore. I realized there are causes.
I haven't got any place to do my four-months-period-internship. I really do not want to be an intern in a perusahaan kacang2an. Galau adalah deadline internship sisa less than 5 weeks and I haven't got any response from nearly ten companies I applied for. Every companies that I applied for are multinational companies. Ppl said that it is hard to get through the selection process, but come on, I believe I am credible enough to be part of them. cant just any one of them accept meeehh? :(
and last week, mom asked me: to. start. to. concern. about. relationship.
blah, it felt so weird when mom said so. funny, and bitter. You know it was funny when I reminisced back my previous backstreet relationship. and now, mama asked me to start to look over guys out there.
tell. me. what. to. do.
It's not that I don't want to start over a relationship, it is just, it might be not the time already. the right guy is not here, yet. you know, I do realize that I need a hand to hold, and a shoulder to lean on, but it is not as simple as those hand and shoulder analogies. at times, I do think that I need someone by my side. but it felt wrong minutes later. I will not spend my one and only life with he-not-so-right.
Oh now it comes to senses. yeah, as a mom, daughter like me might be worrisome. one and only daughter who next year will about to blow twenty candles like me is a lil bit abnormal? then why should I be 'normal', if normality is only measured by majority?
Here we come to the main problem. It is not that I play hard-to-get. I really am hard to handle. which is scary even for myself. which leads me to future predictable regrets that I will do. which is basically hard to explain. nah, now you get what I mean? probably not, dont you? so do I.
tha. let us just end this here. before both of us get lost.